Short Story

Okay so I never ever let anyone read my short stories and, hey, no one really ever comments on my blog so I figured, what a great place to post a part of a story I'm working on! Any feedback would be much appreciated. I'm not sure where this story came from or where it will end up and, as of yet, it doesn't have a title but this is what I have so far. And please, if you do have feedback, be gentle. Also, be aware that there is some coarse language:



Jack Baker, 32 years of age, took the warm, Pyrex casserole dish from his aunt Myra’s shaky, fragile old hands. His dark, red-rimmed brown eyes met her sad gray ones and she let her small fingers graze his hands as he accepted her condolence gift of green bean casserole.
“Kamron was so beautiful, Jack. She was an absolute doll,” Myra said softly. Jack nodded patiently.
“Yes, she was an incredible woman,” he replied quietly. She had been his best friend. The mother of his only daughter and his soul mate, if there was such a thing. She had been 30 years old the night she was hit, head on, by a truck diver who had fallen asleep at the wheel, his truck veering quickly through three lanes of traffic. She had died instantly. Probably felt no pain, according to the officer who delivered the news to Jack. Deputy Wilkins. Jack had wondered if he had had to deliver news like that before. If this Deputy Wilkins had ever had to crush a man’s dreams for his future on his front stoop.
Jack spent most of the next week in a daze. He wondered how he would take care of their precious daughter alone. He wondered how he would take care of himself alone. Now that Kamron was in the ground he knew it would be a whirlwind of sympathy cards and condolence casseroles that would probably go uneaten. But a casserole could not raise a little girl. A little girl with the biggest blue eyes Jack had ever seen. A little girl who had just lost her first tooth. A little girl who had just lost her mother.
“She’s up in heaven now, looking down on you and Jane,” Myra explained to Jack as she dabbed the corners of her eyes with a ratty piece of tissue. Jack smiled weakly but could not reply. Over the past few days he couldn’t count the number of times that people had told him Kamron was in heaven and that this was “God’s plan.” Some fucking plan. Jack now had to learn how to put a little girl’s hair in pigtails. How to coordinate her outfits for school and how to navigate the treacherous waters of raising a teenage daughter without his wife, his best friend.
Jack excused himself and went looking for Jane. He found her in his brother, Peter’s lap, she was giggling at something. He stood a few feet away, watching his younger brother hold his daughter tenderly. A lump formed in his throat. His eyes stung with tears. Kamron was gone and every day Jack would have a tiny version of her to look after. He was scared for Jane. Scared for himself. Peter looked up and noticed Jack, pointed to him and whispered something in Jane’s ear. She jumped off of his lap and ran towards Jack, hugging his legs.
“You doing okay, Daddy?” she asked softly, pressing her face into his side. He smiled down at her.
“Doing good, sweetheart. How you doing?” he asked her, kneeling down to look into her huge, clear blue eyes. She smiled at him, revealing her missing tooth. Her bottom front tooth. Kamron had been so excited when she lost it. Leaving her not only a dollar under her pillow but a small note made out of pink construction paper. “Your mommy and daddy are so proud of you!” it had said. Jack’s heart ached thinking of that small, pink note tacked up on Jane’s wall, written in Kamron’s handwriting. Just one of several small pieces of her all over the house they had shared.
“Good. Uncle Pete tells good jokes,” she answered, smiling over at her uncle. Jack nodded.
“He always has. He’s always been a better joke teller than me.”
“Daddy, you don’t tell jokes.” Jack pulled Jane close to him and smelled her citrus shampoo as he held her tightly. She squeezed him back, hard as she could. She knew her daddy would need lots of hugs from her. She knew she’d need some from him too.
“Hey Janey, why don’t you go see if Aunt Myra brought any cookies. She makes the best cookie you’ll ever eat!” came Peter’s voice from above them. Jack stood up and watched as his small, dark haired daughter ran towards his frail, old aunt Myra in search of cookies. He looked at his brother. Four years younger and taller than him by at least two inches. Pete’s hair was shoulder length, straight and light brown. Jack found it very odd seeing his free-spirited, longhaired brother in a black suit. With Jane out of earshot, Pete asked his brother how he was feeling, honestly. Jack shrugged.
“I think I’ll throw up on the next person to tell me that Karmon is in heaven, looking down on me and Janey,” he replied wearily. Pete chuckled.
“But Jack, this is God’s plan,” Pete said sarcastically, placing a hand on Jack’s shoulder. Both brothers were tall and thin. Both had the same thick bottom lip and lopsided smile that their father, Marvin, had had. Jack, though, had always been the more stoic brother. He had been the star student. The shy one. Peter had been the outgoing one. The one who had all the friends and the girls chasing after him. Although they were both very different, they had always been good friends and Jack knew he’d be leaning heavily on Peter during this time of mourning. During this time of being so god damn alone.
Jack absent-mindedly ran a hand through his straight, shaggy dark hair. He suddenly felt panicky. He wanted all these people out of his house. He was tired of them milling about, picking at the condolence casseroles that were laid out, buffet style on a long table set up by one of Kamron’s cousins.
“I think I need some air. Could you keep on eye on Janey? Make sure Myra doesn’t try to save her soul or anything.”
“Sure thing, brother. Take your time. It’s fucking depressing in here,” Pete replied, smiling sadly at Jack.



So that's what I've got so far. I'm not sure where to take it next, but I have some ideas. If you're interested, let me know and I'll keep you posted.